Before we left the Netherlands almost two years ago, we had a small ‘goodbye party’. During this party my dad was very emotional. I had never seen him like that, but I thought it had to be due to our move, why else?
Two days later my father’s girlfriend called. She told me my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. He didn’t want to tell, because he didn’t want to bother us, but she had convinced him that he should tell before we left. For that I’m still very grateful to her. I had two more days in the Netherlands and now I was able to go see him before we left (because I had not planned to go there anymore before leaving).
A couple of months later, he had surgery. The operation went well, and everything seemed to be as good as could be considering the circumstances. But after about ten months, his test suddenly showed increased blood levels. Last summer he received radiation treatment. It was supposed to kill the cancer cells, but when they tested his blood, his blood levels had not changed. It had not gone up either, so that was at least something, but still, it should have dropped. For about 25% of the people the levels will still lower in the following couple of months, so there was still hope.
This week he got the results of his latest blood test. The blood levels had doubled. It was a shock. Of course you know it’s a possibility, but in my mind it never really was. Worst case scenario it would have stayed the same. Reality hit and it hit hard.
When I was talking to him, I realized I couldn’t even remember the last time I had told him I love him. I guess I always assume he knows. And I’m sure he does, but isn’t hearing it so much better than knowing? And I don’t know how many more chances I will get to tell him. When you think about it, you never know. To me it’s a reminder to let the people I love know that I do, because it might be the last chance. I’m not saying you should fear this moment all the time, but I do think every now and then it’s good to realize what you have and that you should treasure it. Life’s a rollercoaster and it’s so easy to get caught up in the moment, absorbed by things that, in the end, don’t really matter. If you love someone, tell them so, don’t just assume they know, even if they do.
I love you dad!