The most dangerous stories we make up are the narratives that diminish our inherent worthiness. We must reclaim the truth about our lovability, divinity, and creativity.
When you haven’t learned to love yourself, when you have been taught to diminish your worthiness, it can be a challenge to reclaim it. At times it can feel like everyone is out to crush you and you feel lonely and vulnerable. Engulfed with emotions and uncertainty of your own worthiness, it is crucial to keep the clarity of mind to tell yourself that you are worthy of love and belonging, no matter what someone else says or does. That is, your own love and belonging! The knowledge that you are good the way you are. Yes, you may make mistakes and no, you’re not perfect and that is fine, because that is what makes you human. And the rest is only human as well, they’re nothing more and nothing less than you.
Slowly but surely, I’m reclaiming my truth about my lovability, divinity, and creativity. And then, there is this moment when you’re being tested and it is just so hard to hold on to what you have reclaimed so far.
Someone texts you to ask how you’re doing and you decide to be open and then don’t hear back from them. When you try to make an appointment with someone and don’t hear back from them either. And the one appointment you actually made is being cancelled because they choose to go out with someone else and then even the rescheduled meetup later that week is being cancelled.
That is when doubt strikes, and it strikes hard. It throws me right back into every limiting belief I’ve ever had about myself. What is wrong with me? Am I not fun enough, not open enough, not good enough?
And every moment I felt someone was ignoring me is coming back. From the fake overly friendliness some people show when they see you (only to forget about your very existence the moment they turn around) to not mentioning my name when surprised when someone isn’t invited for something (does that mean it makes sense I wasn’t invited?). My head is spinning with all the old self-diminishing thoughts. And I feel like I’m slipping. I feel like sitting down and crying my eyes out. But this is not what I want. No more, I’m so done with this.
And I take a deep breath and say every loving affirmation I can think of. Because no matter what others do or say, I’m worth just as much as everyone else! And I know some people are insincere in the way they treat me, and I try to avoid those people as much as I can, because that’s better for my health. And I know that others don’t mean to hurt me, and I also realize that I may have to set some boundaries.
In the past if someone blew me off and said that they hoped I wouldn’t mind, I would say: of course not; even if I did. Because I didn’t want to be difficult, because I wanted people to like me.
But I’ve decided things need to change. If I can’t honestly say I didn’t like something that was said or done, then what kind of friendship is it? It won’t change what happened, but at least I stay true to myself and I set a boundary that this is not ok with me. What they do with it, is up to them, but at least I’m showing myself some respect. Of course, I hope they will understand and respect my opinion. And if they don’t, I’m better off knowing it now than later. I don’t have that much energy, so I have to spend the energy I do have wisely.
As scary as it was, it felt so good to stand up for myself and honestly say how I felt. It sucked in the moment, but I do realize this is a really important step in reclaiming my lovability and worthiness. I’m done bending over backwards to please other people. I will respect myself and people are free to like it or free to go. Either way is fine. But from now on forward I will keep my head high.
Never bend your head. Hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye.