Pay it forward

Yesterday a dear friend of mine called, to let me know she thinks I’m a sweet and amazing person and that she totally understands me. She was so sweet, her love and kindness made me cry. She has a dear friend that also has Crohn’s so she knows what affect it can have on one’s life. She told me that one of the things her friend does when she’s not feeling too well, but does want to invite people, is to let them know she can’t make the entire dinner, but that she can make cocktails or dessert. When I heard that, it just seemed so insanely easy, why didn’t I think of that?
Later I realized the reason I’ve never done that, is because I feel that when I invite people over, I should take care of everything. I know it’s difficult for me to ask for help. Maybe it has something to do with how I was raised, the way I saw it, it was important not to owe anyone anything.

But is it really that bad to “owe” someone? And exactly when are you “even”, what if you can’t return the exact same favor? Is it really that important to “even the score” so you don’t owe someone?
Honestly, I don’t think so. As long as the other person does things out of free will and you don’t take advantage of them. And of course it’s great if you can return the favor, and if not, maybe you’ll pay it forward to someone else.

I think it’s impossible to not “owe” anyone anything in this life, so I better accept that. I need the kindness of other people and my challenge will be to graciously accept it. In return, I will be kind to others. Maybe I won’t be able to return the favor to the one who gave it to me, but I will pay it forward in my life.

It will make life a lot easier when I accept help from others instead of trying to do everything myself. I can hear Mr. M. sigh (really loud 🙂 ): finally, that’s what I’ve been telling her for years! My first goal, invite someone over soon and if I’m not up to cooking dinner, ask them to bring something. I can do it, it may be a challenge, but I can do it 🙂 .

Sometimes I think I’m the only one who thinks life’s a challenge even though I know I’m not. So I hope my words will encourage everyone who thinks it’s a bad thing to “owe” anyone. It’s ok to accept help, even if you know you won’t be able to return the favor. Just pay it forward with your own kindness, no matter how small. Even something as little as a smile can make someone else’s day.

X Sandra

 

 

Comments

Comment by Wouter on 2016-01-09 09:30:41 -0700

I would love to come visit once and do some cooking too! Awesome! Visits are about being together in love and understanding of each other and each one’s limitations. On that same note going to bed if you’re just too tired during the second course is a-ok in my book! Best of luck adapting your views on life for you and your family!

Comment by Sandra Hoekstra on 2016-01-09 11:04:38 -0700

Thanks. And if you’re around, you’re welcome to come over and cook for us 🙂