When I was young I was very shy. Saying anything (and I mean anything, just saying hi) to people I didn’t know (too well) required a lot of courage. What I didn’t realize at that time is that it can even be harder to talk to family.
Thinking back, I don’t think we ever shared a lot of things at home, not how our days had been and especially not feelings. I’m proud to say I’m getting better at talking, small talk as well as “bigger” stuff. Usually it’s easier to talk to people that are not related. Makes sense I guess when you consider a family has a history and certain patterns.
So what do you say when you want to deepen a relationship? I try to tell more about the ordinary things of life. I’d say that’s step 1. And then what? Open up? Doesn’t sound too complicated until the moment is there.
And it’s one thing to talk about how you’re physically doing. Even though I find it not so easy to talk about yet, it would probably help them understand me better. Sometimes I feel that they think I’m able to do much more than I actually can. If they do, it’s because I haven’t been clear enough about it. And yes, there are moments, days, if I’m lucky even a few weeks that I can do a lot (which is still less than the average person). Then there are days and weeks it’s hard to just get out of bed and do the necessary things.
And there’s how you’re emotionally doing. Let alone if there are things that annoy/bother or just flat out hurt you. What to say then? Oh, and what if you’re not even sure exactly what it is that bothers you? Is it just me or do other people have that as well? Something is bugging me and I’m not sure what. Realizing it may very well be something on my part I’d rather not bring it up. Somehow I doubt saying: “Hey, you’re bothering me and I don’t know why” would lead to a constructive conversation 🙂
Even if I know what is bothering me, then there’s the delicate art of what to say how and when. Personally, I find it very helpful to not respond immediately (if I can). There are times that I’m too emotional and just blurt out how I feel. Admittedly, not my most productive state. So, if I’m up to it, I will not respond at once, but first think about it when my head is clear. Then, if I decide to get back on it, I will make sure I’m calm when I bring it up. Trying to remain calm during the conversation, which can be challenging.
For everyone who can use a little encouragement:
It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.